In many African homes, boys grow up hearing that one day they will “get a wife” who will cook, clean, organise their lives, and basically serve as their daily operating system. It is presented almost like a package deal: once you marry, your life will automatically improve because a woman will be there to manage everything.

Girls, on the other hand, are taught how to cook for entire households by the age of twelve, how to clean thoroughly, how to host guests with grace, and how to “behave” because “your future husband will need you.”

By the time adulthood arrives, men walk into relationships with the confidence of people checking into a five-star hotel, expecting the best service. Women walk in with the apron already tied around them. It is not surprising that the imbalance begins long before the first date or marriage conversation.

Men gain stability; women gain responsibility

Marriage tends to stabilise men in almost every aspect of life. They eat better, they live in cleaner and more organised spaces, their health improves, and their finances often become more structured because someone is helping them navigate daily life.

Society even grants men more respect the moment they are married, as if marriage is a badge of maturity.

Women, however, often experience the opposite. Once married, their responsibilities multiply. Their days become longer, their free time shrinks significantly, and people expect them to carry the home on their backs.

Sometimes their personal dreams are pushed aside because they are expected to prioritise the household.

And when children come, the workload triples. Even with a supportive partner, society still directs most parenting responsibilities toward the woman. So while men gain structure and stability from marriage, women gain a never-ending list of obligations that leave them overstretched and underappreciated.

Emotional labour is placed on women

Women often become the emotional managers of relationships. They notice when the communication has shifted, when something feels off, and when the relationship needs work. They are the ones who initiate difficult conversations and put real effort into maintaining harmony. Women often remember special occasions like anniversaries, Valentine’s Day and birthdays; men simply exist!

If a man is distant, silent, moody, or withdrawn, it is usually the woman who asks if he is alright, who tries to understand, who reaches out, who reassures, and who attempts to fix the situation. Women are conditioned to keep relationships alive even when they are running on fumes.

Meanwhile, men are frequently socialised to be emotionally passive. Some move through relationships with the energy of someone who has outsourced their emotional responsibilities. As long as the relationship has food, peace, and a functioning TV, they assume everything is fine. This constant emotional labour drains women and benefits men, who rarely engage at the same depth.

Domestic work still falls heavily on women

Even in modern homes where both partners work eight to five, the domestic workload almost always falls on the woman. Society still expects women to come home and transition straight into house management mode: preparing dinner, sorting laundry, cleaning, arranging things, and making sure everything runs smoothly.

If she expresses exhaustion, the response from society is often dismissive: “This is what wives do.” And that statement alone shows just how skewed the expectations are.

Men, on the other hand, are allowed to rest after work, even when their wives or partners work the same hours or even longer. The idea that domestic work is a woman’s default responsibility remains deeply rooted. The result? Men enjoy clean homes, good meals, and well-organised spaces without contributing equally to the labour that makes it all possible.

Society pressures women, praises men

The timelines society sets are not the same. A man can be forty years old and unmarried, and people will still say he is taking his time, focusing on himself, or waiting for the right partner. There is no panic, no pressure, no whispers in corners about him “running out of time.”

For a woman, that pressure starts early. By twenty-eight, relatives are already monitoring her closely. By thirty, people start asking uncomfortable questions. And by thirty-two, she is treated like an avocado that has only a few hours left before it becomes overripe.

When a man finally marries, the community celebrates him as someone who has made a wise decision. When a woman marries, people simply say she has done what she is supposed to do. The praise is not equal because the expectations are not equal. One is honoured, the other is simply ticking a box society created for her.

Women lose more when relationships end

When relationships collapse, the emotional, social, and sometimes financial cost for women is much higher. Society tends to sympathise with men and blame women. A man who walks away is told, “It was not your time,” or “You will find someone better.”

A woman who leaves is questioned: “What did you do?” or “Why could you not hold it together?”

Women often invest deeply in terms of time, care, and emotional effort. They give, nurture, and support until there is little left for themselves. So when things end, they are the ones who feel the sharpest impact. Men, having received more than they gave, often move on faster and with fewer consequences.

Read Also: 5 Obvious Reasons Why Young Men Date Older Women

Not every relationship is unequal, and not every marriage operates on outdated roles. Some couples share responsibilities, care for each other equally, and build partnerships that uplift both sides. Those exist, and they deserve to be celebrated.

However, in many African settings, the cultural foundations, upbringing, and expectations tilt the scales in favour of men. Women are pushed to give more, do more, sacrifice more, and tolerate more. Men are encouraged to receive, benefit, and enjoy the stability relationships provide without matching the effort.

If we want healthier relationships, we need to challenge these old patterns. Marriage should be a partnership where both people feel supported, valued, and nourished, not a system where one person eats well while the other spends her life making sure the food is on the table.