Maria* (not her real name) was a woman in her early 30s who Caleb found sitting outside his gate. When Caleb called to her from his tinted window, she didn’t hesitate.

After a few minutes of talking, Maria explained her woes—a single mother trying to survive—and was hired immediately.

She did her work with precision, scrubbing corners Caleb didn’t even know existed. She cleaned and did his laundry, leaving before he got home. Soon, she graduated to packing his lunch and neatly folding his clothes after ironing them.

Caleb was surprised to see her in his living room watching TV one late evening when he came from work. She smiled shyly and headed to the kitchen to serve his food.

As she served his food, she said: “Unajua boss unataka wife wa kukupakulia food usiku na uzuri niko single so naweza kukungojea.”

Caleb almost choked on his rice. That night in bed, he sent her a message asking her not to come around anymore and that was the end of their interactions.

A tale of unwanted advances

Caleb’s story is not unique. This seems to be the problem plaguing many young bachelors who seek out help to keep their homes tidy. Mama Fua wants to do more than just clean. She doesn’t want to just be a floor scrubber or a dishwasher; she wants to be a confidant, a friend, a lover.

Richard* (not his real name), 25, also spun a similar tale. He’s always had a complicated relationship with household chores and opted to get a cleaning lady. That is how Mama Sharon*(not her real name) came into his life after a recommendation from his neighbour. Every Saturday, she would arrive with her five-year-old daughter and tackle the mountain of chores.

Over time, Richard noticed Mama Sharon’s strategic moves. She would somehow need help reaching the clothing line despite managing just fine when he wasn’t around.

“Eh, today these clothes are too heavy, “she’d say, flashing a knowing smile.

Then came the food tactics. She would always bring around perfectly made chapatis under the guise that her daughter had sent her to deliver them.

“Sharon alisema we bring some for her favourite uncle,” she would always say with a smile while taking out the neatly wrapped package.

The hints got bolder as Mama Sharon began to casually mention how Sharon needed a father figure while giving him a knowing look. Perhaps she had gotten the wrong idea as Richard would give her handouts and buy snacks for her daughter out of goodwill.

Soon, she began asking for money to pay Sharon’s school fees and even hugs from Richard which made him extremely uncomfortable.

He ended up slowly ghosting her and settled for a much older cleaning lady who was all business and no drama.

The competition

While some men like Richard can pick up on the hints, some men are unable to sense their cleaning lady’s advances until those closest to them express their discomfort with the relationship.

James*(not his real name), 33, could not tell his cleaning lady was hitting on him until his girlfriend questioned him on why he let his Mama Fua stay despite her conduct.

“Mimi I’ve never been one to pick up hints, so it was my girlfriend who told me Mama Fua was flirting with me,” he says with a laugh.

James thought that his cleaning lady’s thoughtful gestures were out of gratitude as he always went the extra mile with her; getting her shopping at the end of every month when she went over to clean. She would cook, clean and iron his laundry before neatly folding them in his closet. Occasionally, she would bring a sack of fruits from the village for him at no cost.

That all changed when his girlfriend Natasha* (not her real name) decided to move in with him to cut down the cost of running two households.  Suddenly, Natasha’s laundry would be “forgotten” in the laundry basket and the cleaning lady’s once efficient work turned sloppy.

The straw that finally broke the camel’s back was when she spilled bleach on Natasha’s favourite dress, a move that Natasha believed was deliberate. Taking matters into her own hands, Natasha fired her on the spot.

Adam* (not his real name), 32, echoes this sentiment, noting that a cleaning lady’s attitude often shifts when a significant other is involved.

“What used to happen, nilikuwa na dem alikuwa anaweka her clothes and she would wash her clothes with madharau.”

He also explained that a cleaning lady may become disrespectful to a significant other because she cannot get extra financial help from her male employer due to the presence of another woman.

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“Sometimes when you are alone, she will overwork herself trying to impress you. When there’s another woman in the house, she knows she cannot even flirt with you and the possibility of getting an extra coin from you is next to zero. If you pay her 1500, your girlfriend gives her 700 because she is not impressed by anything. A dude wants to go out of his way. Have her kids eaten? Here is an extra 700 for that.”

The cleaning lady may also feel jealous of the romantic dynamic shared by the couple.

“It’s a competition. She is wondering why your girlfriend isn’t cleaning for you. She is cleaning as you guys cuddle and she’s wondering how lucky you guys are. ‘Mimi nikuje hapa nishinde nikivunjika mgongo hapa?’. Anashangaa how this woman is so privileged. She thinks that it should be her,” Adam noted.

This situation made Adam cut ties with his cleaning lady.

While a cleaning lady is a convenience that many choose to splurge on, the situation can turn sticky quickly and without any form of integrity, can escalate into an even bigger issue.

From hint-dropping to outright flirting, bachelors may find it difficult to walk the thin line between respecting their cleaning lady and maintaining a professional working environment.

So gentlemen, let this be a lesson.

When the cleaning lady begins to make a mess of her own, it’s time for you to take matters into your own hands and find a cleaner arrangement.