Hi TSM,

I love dating, but I’m very bad at deciding which of my boyfriends to stick with. How can I tell who is likely to turn out to be good for me?

Dating is more than just fun. It’s really about assessing a potential partner.

For example, his kiss is a great clue to what kind of lover he’ll be. A confident lover kisses gently, patiently and tenderly. He holds you so close that you feel you could melt.

On every date, he should be focused on you. His mobile phone switched off. Eating and drinking lightly so he’s not ‘too tired’ later. And listen to everything you say.

Did you like his eyes? Did they have lots of laugh lines, showing interest, charm and curiosity? Was he dressed appropriately? Good manners? Confident and poised, but not macho. Thoughtful about your feelings, but not submissive. Sensitive, but not a chicken. And romantic. So much so that you dream of him carrying you off to bed like in the movies!

Is he open and honest? If his attitude doesn’t match yours, move on.

Dump any man who treats you badly, thinks the world revolves around him, is clingy or doesn’t listen to you.

You need a man who’s honest and reliable. A man who respects you and gives you enough space to do your things.

It’s bad news if you don’t like his friends because sooner or later you’ll feel the same way about him. Or if they treat waiters like dirt.

Dump him if he goes on and on about his exes. Dump him if he’s flaky about his work, friends or family. Chances are you’ll be next.

Or if he has a huge sense of entitlement. Or is inflexible? Or makes you feel guilty about the time you spend with your friends. Or doesn’t share your core values. Or has a bad relationship with his family. Your relationship will follow the same path.

Because dates aren’t just romantic fluff. Every one of them is a good moment to ask yourself if you’re with ‘the one’...

All the best,

TSM