Is it possible to fix a toxic relationship?

Many people assume toxic relationships are doomed, but that isn’t always the case.

The deciding factor? Both partners must want to change, Manly says. “If only one partner is invested in creating healthy patterns, there is — unfortunately — little likelihood that change will occur.”

A few signs you might be able to work things out together:

Acceptance of responsibility

If you and your partner know the relationship is struggling and want to improve it, you’re on the right track.

Manly adds that recognizing past behaviors that have harmed the relationship is vital on both ends. It reflects an interest in self-awareness and self-responsibility.

In other words, both partners should accept their part in contributing to the toxicity, from resentment to jealousy to not speaking out about concerns and disappointments.

Willingness to invest

Are you and your partner willing to invest in improving the relationship? That’s a good sign.

“This may manifest by an interest in deepening conversations,” Manly says, or setting aside regular blocks of time for spending quality time together.

Shift from blaming to understanding

If you can both steer the conversation away from blaming and more toward understanding and learning, there may be a path forward.

For example, instead of saying, “It’s your fault” or “You always do XYZ,” you might try, “I think we misunderstood each other, so let’s try again,” or “I understand why you’re feeling stressed and upset — how can we work on that together?”

These communication techniques can help.

Openness to outside help

Sometimes, you might need help getting things back on track through individual or couples counseling.

There’s no shame in getting professional help to address consistent relationship issues. Sometimes, you can’t pick up on everything contributing to the toxicity from inside the relationship, and relationship counselors are trained to offer a neutral perspective and unbiased support.

They can also teach you new strategies for addressing and resolving conflict, making it easier to create healthier patterns that stick.

How can you move forward?

Manly says repairing a toxic relationship will take time, patience, and diligence.

This is especially the case, Manly adds, “given that most toxic relationships often occur as a result of longstanding issues in the current relationship or as a result of unaddressed issues from prior relationships.”