Hi Chris,

I’ve only recently started having sex, with my first real boyfriend, and so far it’s great fun. But I’d like to become much more expert! What can I do to make things better?

Sex 101

Hi Sex 101!

Sex always becomes better when the focus is on pleasure rather than performance. So forget all those super athletic stunts you see in the movies, and all that frantic speed and intensity!

Instead just aim to feel good together. Think of everything you do in bed as a form of play, and make having fun your number one priority. Especially let go of any expectations you’ve formed from the internet or your friends’ risqué stories. Like how long it should all last, who climaxes, in what order, how it happens, how many times, and so on.

Somehow we’ve been led to believe that our love lives should be all about passion and excitement. And from time to time they are! But what really makes things go well is plenty of laughter, playfulness and relaxation.

Sooner or later, you or your boyfriend might start feeling some insecurities, for example about your fitness or body shape. Just accept these as normal, and sensitively help each other to let them go.

Definitely no criticism, no matter how well intentioned, and make sure any teasing really is enjoyed by both of you. And never treat sex as a bargaining chip or a chore.

Start having open conversations about your love life. Many couples find that really difficult to begin with, but persevere. And before long you’ll realise that you’re enjoying your discussions. Talk about your preferences and desires, your fantasies and boundaries.

Try out new places and positions, try out new outfits, try out a few of the fantasies you’ve talked about, and buy a few toys.

Make sure that all five senses are aroused and rewarded in your lovemaking, take turns being the giver and the receiver, put aside enough time to explore what each of you likes, and everything will go well.

All the best,

Chris