Heartbreak is an experience that most of us go through at some point in our lives, and a natural reaction to something that’s broken is wanting to fix it.

Mending a broken heart begins with understanding the pain and making space for it. 

Once you know why it can feel so painful, you can then recognize and understand the different stages of heartbreak.

And if you’re aware of each stage and the sort of emotions and feelings to expect, you can move through your journey with more self-compassion and self-awareness. 

Why are heartbreaks painful?

On a biological level, our bodies sometimes react to heartbreak in a similar way to how it responds to physical pain. Our brain may perceive heartbreak as emotional pain, and it may respond by releasing stress hormones, like cortisol. These hormones can cause physical symptoms, such as a tight or heavy chest, trouble sleeping, or appetite loss.

Psychologically, heartbreak can bring a mix of emotions, like sadness, loss, and even grief. We might also battle feelings of inadequacy or face a dip in our self-esteem. When we’re broken-hearted, we're not just losing a person but also the dreams, plans, and future we envisioned with them. The loss spans multiple levels, making it a complex emotional challenge to overcome.

When you acknowledge the real effects heartbreak has on your wellbeing, you can pave the way for healing and recovery. 

The 5 stages of heartbreak

 Feeling heartbroken is a process that unfolds over time and is often not linear. It's sometimes marked by different stages, each with its own set of emotions and challenges.

When you understand what's happening at each stage, you can better find your way back to a place of balance. You might experience these stages in a different way or encounter them in a different order, or not feel them at all. No two relationships are the same, and therefore no two breakups are the same. 

However you experience heartbreak, it can be helpful to know that with some time and effort, you can feel like yourself again.

1. Denial and/or shock 

This is often one of the initial stages of heartbreak, where the reality of the situation hasn't yet been processed in our brain. You might find it hard to accept that the relationship has changed or ended. Denial is a protective shield your mind puts up to deal with the immediate shock of the loss.

2. Anger and blame 

Once shock fades, it can sometimes be replaced by anger or frustration. This anger could be directed toward yourself, your ex-partner, or the circumstances that led to the heartbreak. It's a common way of coping with the emotional loss and trying to make sense of it.

3. Bargaining 

If you experience this stage while you’re navigating heartbreak, you’ll likely find yourself wishing and hoping for things to go back to how they were. There might be a lot of “what if” and “if only” thoughts swirling around your mind or fantasies about scenarios where things work out.

4. Depression and isolation 

As reality sets in, it might bring sadness and depression. It's common to withdraw from social activities and seek solitude to process the loss. You might also find yourself anxious or worried about the future. This stage can often last the longest.

5. Acceptance and healing 

Acceptance is where healing truly begins. It's about coming to terms with the new reality, gently letting go of the past, and looking forward to the future. It’s also about forgiving yourself and others. It’s where the idea of moving on starts to take a realistic shape.