I listened with amusement as my male friends argued and complained about female sex toys.

Men can’t stand the fact that women are now finding pleasure in toys than humans.

They think it is gross for a woman to find pleasure in a mere  toy, which to them means a man is as useless in a woman’s life as a petticoat.

See, I enjoy male company as compared to my gender because here’s where I get real-time male thoughts about stuff, sensitive stuff, and topics that we can only discuss in low tones.

Ted talks that I shouldn’t hear, but I do anyway. Relevance in sextivities is slowly vanishing and the male species is now endangered, thanks to the availability of sex toys in the market. This is what most men believe.

My friends argue that we have suddenly become ‘greedy’ and lost our femininity by using toys on ourselves.

The reason why most women complain of not being satisfied with sextivities is because they keep comparing toys and penises.

Like, this is a toy that uses batteries and power and there’s no way it can compete with a human being who must be aroused and psychologically prepared to have good coitus. Now, can we have a candid conversation about this whole toy thing? Why in the devil’s name are humans being compared to toys?

Because if a man is so worried about his sex ability that he’s intimidated by a vibrator that’s powered by batteries and has to be ‘shown around’ for it to perform, then there’s a bigger problem that we need talk about, forget toys!

A mere toy won’t, can’t take anything away from a couple’s sexual relationship. If anything, it will spice up and spark an otherwise dull union.

A woman using a sex toy for pleasure doesn’t mean she looks down upon her man (if she has one or two). It neither means she might not desire a man. They do. But adventure never hurt anyone.

These are some of the reasons why men should not worry about the emergency and use of sex toys by women.

Sex toys are just that - toys. They can never replace a human being. A toy can’t flirt, can’t caress, can’t hold an erotic conversation with its user.

After an ecstatic moment, there’s no pillow talk with something you must recharge for it to work on you. I wonder how it is possible to talk about toys being human replacements.

A vibrator can give multiple, toe-curling orgasms but it won’t clean itself after service. It can neither clean the user nor say a big thank you after a steamy night.

No post-coital cuddling because the thing needs to be commanded by batteries and a hand to perform its ‘duty’, then cleaned thereafter.

Orgasms are the thing, they are a human right, but there’s a lot more than just the normal thrusting, that makes sex make sense.

Real-time sex is more than just getting physically intimate.

No toy can match the emotional engagement of a passionate, mutual sexcapade or sexitivity. No variety, no adventure, nothing new to try out because sasa si the vibe is helpless?

Well, we all want to be held and felt, no? So why the hell would a man who knows how sweet the feeling of being held is, think that a mere vibe can replace a penis? That he’ll be dumped for a dildo?

You guys have no idea about the beauty of the male anatomy. God is an artiste and he worked well on the male version of a human being.

Any man getting worried and being threatened by some pink vibe should get worried about your sexual prowess and work on it. She ain’t gonna dump you for her  toy, but will just prefer it to you.