Hi TSM,

Whenever I meet a nice-looking man and I fall for him, I worry that I will discover months later that he’s already married. Because that’s happened to me several times! How do I avoid meeting another one?

Falling once for a married man is just bad luck. Fall for several and somehow you are deliberately choosing them. Maybe because you find married men more exciting? After all, they have been around the block a few times, and know how to treat a girl.

Or maybe you are just not paying enough attention to the signs that say he’s married?

Like his age! Single men generally feel the urge to get married within a couple of years of becoming firmly established in their careers. This means that all the men who are ever going to get married are married by their mid-30s.

So meet a man who is older than that and you should be suspicious. Confirm your suspicions by watching his behaviour. Like he keeps touching the base of his ring finger as if something’s missing? Hard to reach on the phone?

Resists you touching him in public? Reluctant to stay the night or weekends? Look for signs of a spouse or children in his car: clothing, make-up, toys, chocolate. Be wary if he is super careful with messages. He may be trying to avoid leaving a trail.

You should only date men who you already know a little about, like men you have met through friends, family or work. Figure out a new man’s marital status before you get too close.

A man who’s divorced is fine of course, but an older man who is still single will probably have become a confirmed bachelor. Too fond of his independence, and very hard to pin down.

Even if he looks like a good bet, get to know him well and make sure he knows what you want long before you get intimate. And if he gets harder to contact the moment you start talking about settling down? Let him go.

All the best,